Looking out the window of my local bakery cafe everything is covered in a powdery white snow. Roads are slushed over from traffic trying to push through. The skies are a cloudless steel gray. I’ve positioned myself back towards the wall by the window. I can see the entire room with the laptop serving as my shield from anyone here. I can appreciate the weather outside and the sweet pastry on my tongue. Headphones are prominent with my hat’s brim dipped low. From here it’s safe. There’s a slight chill coming from poorly sealed window but this is where I chose to sit in a mostly empty cafe while eating my baked goods. The illusion of being out in the world while remaining disconnected from direct communication with anyone. This is my comfort zone, a refuge in the emotional wasteland that I’ve become. Some here probably think I’m pretentious recluse being self-indulgent or moody. It’s hard not to be aware of it, but it really is harder to be anything different. This is who I am.
EverQuest Remembered is a multi-part series in which I look back on a game that meant a great deal to me, partially due to a matter of timing and circumstance. When tasked with the idea of blogging about something that I spent the better part of five years of my life actively playing it was difficult to nail down what to write about. Putting thoughts to paper I’m left with topics ranging from it’s cultural impact to individual relationships, shaping a fledgling genre to bringing out the nature of who we are as players. There’s a lot to cover here in regards to my personal retrospective of this 18 year old game… but if you’ve got the time, I’ve got the stories – and maybe by the end you’ll have a deeper understanding of how lines of codes shaped my world as much as theirs.
Last time I lead off with the term EverCrack. It was half-made in jest originally within the community. Yet with all things there becomes the reality of how a lack of moderation spins things from a single weekend binge to full on addiction. I’m not one to lightly throw around words so I’m not exaggerating when I use the term addiction. Setting a baseline of what I mean by it comes from my understanding of what being an alcoholic is. When the thing you have a compulsion towards begins to impact other aspects of your life usually hits that part for me. That’s when it crosses over from something you do a lot to something that’s harmful to your well being and should be considered an addiction. Losing your job because of a habit, withdrawing from social functions, so on and such. If you Google today EverQuest along with “depression”, “suicide”, or “addiction” you’ll have no shortage of personal stories. Even back in it’s heyday prior to being a target for corporate morality by the media, within the community there were plenty of signs of this perfect drug breaking apart people’s lives. I knew and played with people who’s marriages ended over playing too much, meeting new partners on EverQuest, choosing not to work and take odd jobs to pay rent/utilities, even a guy who brought his laptop to the hospital to play while his wife was in labor so he didn’t miss a rare spawn that only popped up once a week at random. There was no lack of dark tales to be told back then when players were shy or in denial about it. Today there are dozens if not hundreds more now that we’ve distanced ourselves from it.